I gave up on anything that I had been dreaming of. Things important to me and my personal development. I did not in any way give up on my Mom Duties. No, I gave up on me and put all the effort into my Mom Duties as a way of coping with the fact that daily life was nothing like I had anticipated it would be. Continue reading →
Lately, I have been thinking a lot about love. Feeling as if there is a chance I might be able to find it again with a partner as opposed to just having the unconditional love for Princess D and my Inherited Teen. Continue reading →
I am going to Las Vegas. For the first time in my life I am traveling to Sin City, the place where nothing leaves, secrets are kept and adults party for days straight. Or gamble their hours away. And I am going with my 5year old daughter.
We’re going for a wedding, good friends of ours, and it is a family affair but every time Princess D tells someone she’s going to Las Vegas they stare at her, wide eyed, incredulous at the fact that this little innocent is going to Las Vegas, the Disneyland for the X-Rated.
Am I nervous about taking her there? A little, but she has been to Nicaragua with me and this time there are more kids going so it will be more fun.
Am I wishing I was going without her? Not at all. Although that might change once I get the Vegas vibe hitting me.
Will it be an adventure? Yes. And it will be my chance to see how kids friendly Sin City can be. And to get some reviews of it from the mouth of a 5year old.
What do we want to do?
*M&M world – D wants this. I want to do a walk by.
*Circus Circus acrobat show – apparently free every hour
*Shark reef & dolphins – apparently there’s a hotel with these, which kind of makes me sad but will be cool for D to see.
*Ziplining – Mommy only and she’s terrified.
*Science / Discovery museum – fun for the kiddies that stimulates the brain
*Hiking in the desert – a must because both D and I are excited to see the desert
And now the journey begins. Fingers crossed we don’t have any flight issues…. *wipes sweat off brow*
I have had a dating epiphany. A realization that is equally depressing and frightening. And perhaps one that could be a testament to my dating maturity.
I have come to the realization that all of my life I have attracted men that fall into one of two sub-categories of not right for me. The first are those that say they want girlfriends but really need counselors to take care of them. Continue reading →
My heart is racing, my breaths are short and I keep catching myself holding my breath as my thoughts swirl at a million miles a minute. Racing through all the things I have to do, how little time i have to do them, the things I haven’t done yet, the failures I have piling up, the perceived failures I have piling up..
The voice of judgement is strong today, tugging at my soul while my positive side tries to stay in the forefront. And my breath continues to be laboured, no matter how many times I try to keep it steady and strong.
It is just one of those days. One of those days I wish I did keep my perscription for anxiety meds. One of those days I will struggle to focus on the work in front of me as I make lists of all the things that need to get done. One of those days I will dream of all the “what if” scenarios in my life.
I know this is no good as much as I know if I could steal away to meditate and do some yogs for an hour I could get a grip on this.
But I can’t, so I will exist in this jumped up mode of anxious energy for today, hoping that I don’t crack and let others see the jittery nerves. And I will force my breath to continue… with hopes eventually it will calm the nerves that are threatening to send me into hiding at my home.