Yesterday was an incredibly ridiculous day of business for me at work. We hosted a concert last night – the CMT Hitlist tour with Deric Ruttan, Aaron Lines, and Dean Brody (three incredible Canadian country singers – and I’ve never been moved so much in a show.) I also had to drive 7 hours around Cape Breton picking up posters from elementary schools for The Eagle’s Halloween Spooktakular Poster Contest. And still have to do show stuff, so I was in studio working at 4a.m. yesterday. When I got home it was 1:30 a.m. It was a long day. Fun, inspiring and long.
And I can’t sleep.
All I wanted to do was crash. My voice is gone because I’m over tired and my head is throbbing slightly from lack of sleep but I can’t sleep. I got maybe 3 hours then tossed and turned for 3. Now I’m sitting down the minutes waiting for the time to go to Davis’ dance class and trying to resist my urge to go over to Nanny Deb’s and take her home with me.
I miss my baby.
All I want to do right now is smoosh her face. Kiss her little belly and hear her lovely laugh. It’s like I ache for her and I’ve been pacing the house for an hour because I don’t know what to do without her. Rarely do I get a chance to have a night off or a morning without her – but I’m not that parent that wants that. I want her right now.
As Davis would say, “I’m going to squeeze the poop out of yooooooouuuuuu.”
I have a cousin who lost both her kids because she was that parent. Kids cramped her life and I can remember when her little girl was Davis’ age and all she wanted when mommy came home was a hug and a kiss and some attention from mommy. Mommy would say, “Not now honey I need a smoke and a drink.” And sweet little toddler would go hide under the kitchen table.
This is something I don’t understand. Those parents who don’t die to see their kids after a few hours of being away from them. I am that mother that talks about the funny things my little angel does almost incessantly. When I’m sad a thought of Davis pops in my head and a warm feeling of happiness takes over. Stealing cuddles and kisses every minute I can cause I know soon there will come a time when she’ll not want them anymore can take up an hour of supper making time.
And as I sit here writing this and thinking about her it makes me only want to go and squeeze her more. I’ll have to settle for a phone call until I get her in an hour. Might be the longest hour of my life.
Amazing how parenthood changes you so much.