Pay Day – the sure fire way to get defeated

money makes my head go "ow"

It’s pay day. And every pay day my head goes blah. Pay days suck. And when I say suck I mean suck in the way that it would suck to win a hundred million dollars as your plane is crashing to the ground. They suck.

They suck because no matter how hard I try to skimp I never have enough money to cover my expenses. Frankly, that’s discouraging. Straight up discouraging. To the point that since I’m pretty much always living on credit I’m getting to a point where I’m not even giving a crap about the fact that I’m living on credit. It’s just a fact of life.

I am becoming one of those people that will never be out of death for the rest of my life. It’s scary. It stresses me out. I am already planning to work until I die, hopefully because I love it and not because I have no choice. Also, I’m getting in the habit of avoiding looking at my financial state of being because it saves me from a nervous breakdown… but that’s not good because I never know how much money I actually have (or owe.)

My paydays come twice a month – on the 30th and the 15th. For the 30th, I have no extra money because my full cheque goes to my expenses. Mortgage, insurance, lot fees… and it’s gone. Don’t think it was something I planned. No sir. Not at all. Unfortunately, due to a mess up on behalf of the bank I have my mortgage with my request for semi-monthly mortgage payments didn’t go through so I am stuck with it all coming out at the beginning of the month. Bloody hell.

So that leaves one cheque a month I technically have extra money to buy things I need like food. I have phone and electricity that comes off of that one. Dance classes for Davis which are $35 a month and I will not take her out of something she loves because Mommy can’t afford it. Instead I cut my gym membership. But that money goes fast – and then I’m left with nothing else. There is also the bill payments to my credit card and line of credit that I make both pay days… but that’s just a way of life now.

My dad thinks I must be doing something wrong. But I honestly I don’t make enough money to get ahead. Savings? HA! I’d rather put food on the table and gas in my car than worry about that. I don’t go out. We spend little money on activities. However, there’s still things that need to be done. My car needs to be fixed, I have to put on winter tires soon, and I do need to get a haircut – I keep it long so I can wait a long time between cuts.

My job is amazing. I love it. There is also opportunities for extra income but you can’t depend on that. So I do freelance writing and I audition for voice over work whenever possible – but I really wish I could be at a point where there’s money in the bank.

Baby Daddy gives us nothing. And I don’t want anything from him. Nothing except him talking to Davis and visiting her. That’s it. If he wanted to give money it would go in a bank account for her when she gets older. Right now, we get neither and that’s how it is. He is a coward in my opinion, but that’s another rant for another day.

Raising a child on a single income is hard but I’m damn determine to make it work. I refuse to be that single mom who can’t afford to take her child on vacations or go out for supper once in a while. That’s why it was so important for me to own a home. Stability. Proof that a single parent can do it. But these damn pay days take the wind right out of you.

So, I’ll do what I always do. Self-medicate with a beer at a local pub. One beer before picking up my baby girl and smoothering her with love. The love will make me feel better. The beer appeals to the rebel side in me. And I’ll continue to work 10 – 14 hours a day until I am making enough money to make ends meet with cash to spare. Defeat is not an option.

cheers - to all y'all who hate pay day


10 thoughts on “Pay Day – the sure fire way to get defeated

  1. Been there, still doing that! The boys are 20 and 29 and it is and was a struggle doing it alone for most of it. It was a crazy, amazing roller coaster ride with no seat belt and no ride operator to slow it down or stop it!

    Like you, I’m on the Freedom 85 Plan and I love every minute of it. All I want in the end is for my boys to put me in a nice home so I’ve always been and will always be good to them! Isn’t single-motherhood grand!!

    Keep your sense of humor…it will carry you through some tough times and you can wear it when you don’t want people to see how hard this is. **HUGGS**

    • it is a wonderful ride indeed, irene. especially as i listen to davis having a temper tantrum right now because she wants cheezies not supper. AAAAAHHHH… if you can’t laugh at it and work it out then you’ve really got nothing. thanks for reading:)

  2. you look so pretty in that picture! hang in there, girlfriend. i love you and davis and you’re the strongest woman i know, that counts for something. and you will get out of that rut because you have determination. have seen it for yearssssss…..

  3. Nikki, My Mom was a widow at 30 and raised 3 boys on her own. I can remember many a time, that she went without for herself to keep us in clothes or skates or or or….
    This is why i have total respects for any single mother, no mater her situation.
    When is Single parents day??? what about single parent tax rebates Mr Harper?…Oh yeah… your a nuclear family man… That type of thinking should have gone out with the cold war and the rest of the Nukes….

    • Johnny – you’re mom sounds like an incredible woman. All parents do give so much for their children… and I wonder if right now with the economic situation if it isn’t harder for us all to make ends meet? I know in my 20’s I could have been more serious about savings and not so much about living in the moment and traveling, living the life… but now I am glad I had those experiences… and Davis is the best reward of all… regardless of anything else… although the money woes have to find a solution. there must be one…

  4. Geeze I thought I was the only one who thinks that about payday. It gets so depressing when I pay the credit cards each week and have nothing when everything is done. As long as I have all bills are paid, food & London is taken care of it doesn’t matter if I have nothing to get a new pair of pants etc. Whenever I do have extra I always spend it on my boy b/c I want to. He & my husband are the most important people in my life. I definitely think single parents are to be given all the credit in the world. I don’t know how they do it, all of you deserve a medal. My husband goes away twice a week and I work 12hr shifts, those days he’s gone I don’t get a break at all. Even when my lil guy goes to bed I’m still up late doing laundry, cleaning or getting ready for my next 12hr shift. Don’t get me wrong I’m not at all complaining, I love my life but I wish it wouldn’t be so hectic all the time and all bills would disappear. On another note I do get days off and those days are spent with my lil guy. I treasure each and every moment with him hectic or not. I applause all single parents out there! Cheers to you!

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