perhaps it’s all the voices in my head creating all the drama with their constant bantering for space. perhaps it’s their persistent need to be heard and in the spotlight that’s causing my brain to travel to a painful place of forced silence, driving at one-throught-at-a-time kinda speed. i mean heck, dere’s a lot of dem dere voices in a dere.
there’s worry mommy who’s got to think of everything regarding quality of life, for both her and her child. who is the best gift ever. however, finances, food, cleaning, entertainment, education, fiances, and finances… and finances again… all these things plague the worry mommy and they come from all sides in mainly negative way like stress, insecurity, and uncertainty. next to her, is caring mommy who will freely do anything that is important in the nurturing of said child, regardless of consequences. not surprising that worry mommy sits next to caring mommy. the two keep each other in balance.
of course, don’t forget career woman who’s currently residing opposite worry mommy. before she was the queen of the table but she’s been demoted because nothing is more important than family. longing to rise to the top, she now puts family first as much as is financially possible dreaming of a time when she has control of her time and has the finances to explore and live the way she desires, again for both her and her daughter.
across from caring mommy is creative diva. the one who longs for time to do her art, write those words and passionately explore things for the artist child that lives inside. perhaps the meekest of the bunch, she’s also the most likely to full-heartedly throw herself into everything she does. these qualities of childlike bubbly-ness and enthusiasm while endearing can leave her very vulnerable so she’s easily the most hurt.
my creative diva is like the buzz of bees on a summers day. Always in the background with incessant ramblings of ideas, stories, plans and visions. this alone is exhausting. as if they all need to play for a while in my head allowing me to think them through as i search or time to get them out. perhaps i need to make time to get them out because right now they’re bouncing around the circumfrence of my brain like children in a bouncy house.
All these perspectives are currently underplaying my psyche. Wow.
so, i wonder if too much time with all of these voices in my head is causing my engine to break down, clog up and shut off. is it in need of some release. maybe this is the reason for the suddenly frequent head pains. maybe i need to clean out some thoughts as i clean out my body. spring cleaning can be for more than what shelters you.