Dealing with Tragedy: chin up chiquita, bring back the positive

no more being mad at the world…

The past month has been one of the most emotionally trying I’ve had in a while. My father died, my daughter and I found him, my car got rear ended, I have whiplash because of it, and I may have screwed up a new relationship that I really liked. Yup, last month will definitely be ranking up there in the top ten of suckiest months ever.

But today the firecracker in me woke up and gave me shit. This could have been instigated by my watching “The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo” last night (original Swedish version.) Deep down I am more like that girl than a victim who stays a victim. When things get touch I fight. However, lately I’ve had the devastatingly depressing “boo hoo poor me” song on replay. Time for that tune to change.

… i have this face to inspire me.

To enforce this change, I need to truly acknowledge what is keeping me stuck in despair, thus, keeping me from healing. It’s a challenge anyone in the aftermath of tragedy has to find the strength to do. Otherwise you loose yourself. A tragedy in itself.

So the question: what is keeping me from healing?

The answer: the negative scrampies.

Negativity comes in some many forms it’s hard for us to even realize how much negative shit is in our heads, our bodies, our lives. We, as humans, tend to gravitate to negative behaviours when things go wrong or turn tragic. Alcohol, junk food (aka comfort food), smoking… even our thoughts turn toxic. Negatives surround us. Fear engulfs us, anger consumes us, and it gets hard to snap out of it.

After a month, I’m snapping out of it. I have my beautiful toddler to think about. She is my inspiration to heal faster than I have in the past and thus I have set my plan in motion.

The Plan: get rid of all the scrampies and bring back the positive vibes

  • Step 1: a 30-day cleanse to get the toxins out of my body – no meat, dairy, gluten, refined sugars or processed anything, fish is ok but only local, lots of raw veg & juicing a must.
  • Step 2: increase cardio excercise to get the toxins moving out of my body – let’s face it, part of me is mad at the world; cardio is one way to get some of that angry energy out in a positive way, with a positive payback.
  • Step 3: back to yoga to get the toxins out of my mind – I’m limited in the yoga I can do right now because of the whiplash, but I’ve narrowed some asanas that are good to strengthen the area that’s been injured so these are my focus (only do this with supervision unless you’ve had some sort of training and always listen to your body)
  • Step 4: quiet the negativity – for the next month I vow to turn all those frowns upside down, feel the sadness then let it go, and seriously stop seeing the bad in everything; there’s too much beauty in this life to not see it and being angry totally gives you wrinkles.

This is the plan. It will take strength and determination but it can be done. And there is no fail. Simply making the plan is a success in itself.


13 thoughts on “Dealing with Tragedy: chin up chiquita, bring back the positive

  1. The most positive note here is that you see this negativity and are willing to deal with it. What you have gone through is not easy. Life is not easy but you are a strong woman and you will get through this and find your positive inner self again. Like you said deal with the sad and cherish the memories and good times that will stay with you forever. I have had to fight back more than once and am fighting a health problem right now and am fighting it alone. Very pissed off at my family doc who is not cooperating with me. This is my life and yours is your life along with that beautiful daughter that you have to take care of. My mother taught me to talk and listen to myself and to find a place where I can be totally relaxed and alone to do this. The ocean or a lake is that place for me. Not always easy but I try and sometimes it takes a little longer than other times. I thank her for that lesson every day. Nothing more important than inner peace. Something my grandmother said to me when I had my first son (I have two sons). She was on her death bed in the hospital and I brought my son to see her. She looked at him, smiled and said “Mary this little boy is not capable of taking care of himself; he is your responsibility…you are his mother and he can’t make it without you. Animals, most of the time, cab fend for themselves but this baby has only you to depend on to make it in this life”. She was 85 years old when she told me that. So you my woman friend will do what is necessary for yourself and for Davis. A woman will always dig deep to resolve any issues she needs to so she can carry on for herself and her children. You do have the strength and determination to do this and you will pass these values on to your daughter. All good wishes coming your way!!!

    • thanks mary ann:) you know, so many people say “you’re strong” but when something like this happens and you’re crying all the time you don’t feel strong at all. now i am finding that strength to move on for me and my little one… just like you’re grandmother said, we have to take care of our babies.

      on another note: if you’re having health problems and you aren’t happy with what your family doctor is telling you, maybe you might want to get a second opinion? or look into natural / holistic healing? my friend grace is amazing nutritionist and might be able to help… check out her blog at … you get in touch with her there. just a suggestion. we do have the power to take our health in our own hands:)

      • So Nikki, I’ve tried to respond to your past comments honestly and respectfully in the past, but now I have a few questions for you (a female prospective) or anyone else who would like to chime in. I know this story may appear a bit sketchy, but it’s true..

        I’ve been on a few dates with a seemingly nice woman who I’ll call “Sally”. Sally is a very attractive, highly educated lady who has never been married and has no children, she has a very good professional job and she gave me the heads up over dinner on our first date that her career is the number one priority in her life which was fine with me because I’m only interested in casual dating as well. However, after only three dates…a movie, a concert and a house party, she calls or texts me several times throughout the day or night. She commented that I don’t answer her right away if at all, to which I explained that I’m very busy during the day and I’m usually asleep @ 3:00am!¬†Don’t¬†get me wrong, I have been responding to her first couple of texts of the day.¬†

        A number of my friends have commented on how lucky I am to have a woman like Sally¬†to hang out with as she has turned down many potential suitors over the years. She asked me to meet her for a quick lunch on Friday which I did but when I met her she said that she was taking the rest of the day off and had some very interesting suggestions on how we should spend the afternoon. Unfortunately, my afternoon was far from free, I suggested that with a little more notice it might have been possible¬†but had to decline. The truth is she is moving way to fast here, I barely know her. She was visibly annoyed and told me to call her when I was ready to “grow up”… WTF??

        So my questions are: 1) What makes a woman like this tick? 2) Why do I suddenly feel like the bad guy? 3) How should I respond to this? My instincts are already telling me to just allow myself to slowly fade out of the picture.

        Anyone who knows Sally thinks of her as a very independent, strong woman. She is very well respected among her professional peers. We had a really good time on the few dates we had, we get each other’s sense of humor and I’d kinda’ like to see her again but there is absolutely no way I can or will deal with these constant “touching base” texts or phone calls all day…What happened to her career being her number one priority?

  2. ted… seriously sorry for the late reply… to be honest (as you always are) i’ve been working at half capacity still and am slow with anything, and everything i do right now.

    you’re situation rings so true, on more levels than you know. firstly and foremost, you need to trust feelings fully and if you fully truly believe that you want to back away, then do it. we have to trust our feelings, at least that’s what i think. but then why ask me?

    perhaps her “career is number one” thingy is a guise to hide the fact that she’s really looking for something to replace it. the constant texts could also be that she likes you enough to want to make you a friend and women communicate. we like to talk and we often chat with our friends in some way throughout the day.

    it’s not really cool to get so intense about not returning texts right away. there has to be an understanding of people’s schedules and unique lives. but then, there is always a but because there’s two sides to every story.

    it could be that she’s fiery and passionate so she becomes a little too fiesty, too quickly or that she’s used to getting her own way. There’s a million different things it could be. Who knows what makes up her psyche … so I guess my answers to your questions are:

    1) no idea what makes her tick… she could be psycho or she could be a cool girl too passionate for her own good 2) if you did nothing wrong, and you know deep in your heart that you couldn’t have done anything to hurt you 3) you should respond the way you want to. only three dates in, it’s pretty easy to drop it, however, it’s also easy to misjudge. in situations like these i tend to listen to my gut… when it can be heard over the scream of my heart, but then i’m a woman and that’s part of our genetic make-up.

  3. oops.. finishing of number 2… if you know deep in your heart you couldn’t have done anything to hurt her, then you shouldn’t feel bad. don’t fall into the guilt trick.

  4. Okay – “negative scampies” is what is called “normal.” Don’t disown it. Go into the pain. That’s the healthy thing to do, as you’ve had an insanely sad month. No need to get rid of it. Sadness, anger, fear, shame – all normal and natural. Your friends will support you during. Feel crappy. We’ll help along the way.

    Increase the volume of the negativity. The only way through it is through it. Trust me. I’m pretty smart. Ha.

    • lol. u are pretty smart:) hahaha. problem is, by owning the pain, and reacting on it, on of the most important friends in my life lately has vanished… granted, i was a little insane at the moment, but it was probably a combination of 3 weeks of stress and pills the doctor gave me that didn’t help (hence, why i don’t really like meds.) … however, there also comes a point where the pain can be all encompassing and you have to find a way to pull yourself out… no?

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