A Time to Give Thanks… a letter to baby daddy

Dear Baby Daddy,

baby in belly – first halloween

Yes, I realize it’s been two-years since we’ve heard anything from you. Not even an email to inquire how your supremely beautiful, smart, talented and sweet little girl is doing. Which is fine. You’ve never made an effort to know her and she really doesn’t know what she might be missing, which at this point I doubt is anything more than heartbreak since you’re track record is one of not caring, or at least not showing you care. But, I digress. This letter is not one to complain of what you have or haven’t done. Rather, it’s a letter to thank-you.

I would like to thank-you for not being that meddling, deadbeat dad who pretends he knows what’s best for his kids while missing visits, breaking promises and refusing to pay child support because he doesn’t have enough money for himself at that moment.

2 months old

Thank-you for not being that annoying ex who uses his kids to get back at their mom. Feeding them lies about the other parent, trying to create a gap between the maternal bond of mother and child.  Or the kind of father who only sees the paycheck his kids could get him if he was the primary caregiver. I mean, who needs to work when you can make the hardworking mom who is trying to set a good example for her kids pay the child support. Who needs that job when you’d also get child tax credit as well? I mean raising a kid isn’t that hard. Turn on the TV and yell at them when they’re bad. They’ll be just fine.

Most of all, I would like to thank-you for giving me my best gift ever. She is truly my blessing in life and everyday is that much fuller because of her smiles, laughter, cries, hugs and temper tantrums. I have no idea how I managed in my life before my daughter, as it was devoid of so much love… a love that grows more and more each day.

funky chicken dress up – princess d’s 2nd halloween

Since you choose to not be a part of her life, I get to be there all the time. I don’t have to share one minute of her with anyone else. I will be that parent at every game, every dance recital, every Christmas because you made that choice. And now that I realized by never knowing you she isn’t missing you, I know that we are better off without you.

So thank-you, for being that dad who was merely a means to an end. You had you’re chance and now it’s up to the precious being you helped create to decide when she might want to track you down. Otherwise, all the beautiful moments in her life belong with me. And I will forever be grateful for that. Thanks.

Sincerely, a mother who loves her child more than words can describe.

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19 thoughts on “A Time to Give Thanks… a letter to baby daddy

  1. Oh friend, I love this!!! Talk about the best gift in the whole wide world, thats what he gave to you and you will be forever thankful to him for that… she gets every bit of love, affection, attention and caring from her amazing momma and she definitely isn’t missing out on anything… she is absolutely amazing and fabulous, following in her momma’s footsteps of course… if and when the day comes that she decides she wants to track him down, she will be fully prepared by you for what she will encounter… and maybe and only then will he realize truely what he’s missed out on… the love she has for you is abounding and everlasting, eternal, you are very lucky to be soooo blessed and truely so is sweet Davis, to have such a wonderful momma like you!! Much love for you my friend ❤ xoxo

    • you are very sweet kelly:) thanks for your kind words. i am the lucky one to have her in my life. this is exactly what i am realizing more and more and more. this situation we are in is exactly where we are supposed to be… and i’m going to enjoy every minute… even the toddler tantrums & standoffs:) lol

  2. You are indeed one lucky lady! You get to shape her life, with no scars in her heart from being torn between a parent that loves her and a parent that uses her to get back at the other. She will always be encouraged and supported – emotionally, spiritually and artisitcally. Instead of being torn, 100% of your thinking time is dedicated to her. You alone get to decide what is best for her, and momma knows best!! I can’t think of a better role model for a child to have that you girl…Ad if she ever does decide to track him down, he will see no part of himself…maybe an eye color or the shape of her ears, but nothing within her beautiful person will be accredited to him. It’s so strange to me to think about a life with no children. How empty a life that would be! Thank you for this post ❤

    • and thank-you for reading… and for being an incredible woman yourself. it’s been a real eye opener for me to see how lucky i am that my baby girl is mine alone… and it is easier to protect her from those scars when the other parent isn’t involved… of course not saying that all dads are bad… but those that are really give fathers a bad name. xo

  3. Hi Nikki,

    I enjoyed reading this post and understand it’s message, however it does paint us separated or divorced fathers with the same brush, if you will. There are mothers who unfortunately have the same negative qualities and behaviour that you’ve described. My children are a gift, they’re my life and I would be completely and utterly lost without such. I pay child support and have from the beginning, despite their mother complaining it’s never enough. I’m involved and take an active interest in their lives and well being and would never involve them in whatever issues I have with my ex-wife. I wish I could say the same about her, sadly. I think society assumes that it’s the mother who knows how best to raise a child but that’s not always the case. We fathers play a huge role in our children’s lives and they are much better individuals for it. There’s always two sides to a coin.

    • thanks for reading shaun… and i TOTALLY AGREE… bad parents or selfish parents are simply bad or selfish regardless of gender, and children deserve to have loving relationships with both their mothers and their fathers. too many parents out there who use their kids for ulterior motives, which makes me sad, even when i don’t know the children. and it’s the wrong assumption that only moms know what’s best for their babies… any caring parent does.

      there are so many wonderful, giving fathers out there… it’s sad that a few bad creates a stereotype of all… and i tried to show a difference between the two in my blog post… which is why i used the word “deadbeat” and pointed out fathers who aren’t thinking of their kids best interest… and for me, even if baby daddy was a positive constant force in his daughter’s life, i am kind of a little selfish in the fact that i’m happy he’s not so i don’t have to share her because i love every minute with her… although, i would never deny her that if it was an option … but it’s not.

      fathers and mothers play such an important role in their kids’ lives… and i do wish my little princess had the best of both… but she doesn’t and i’ve realized she’s still doing really well and not missing- missing things… although i know she wants a daddy she doesn’t need one right now, mostly because she doesn’t know what it means to have one, and mommy is doing the daddy things as best as she can.

      that said, sorry you have to have drama and grief from your ex. it’s all unnecessary. that energy could be spent on the best gift ever, your children.

      much respect.

  4. Nikki, I wish you believed all those things you say about your baby daddy and how you are glad he is no longer in the lives of you or your child. I’ve seen you write about this before and reading between the lines I can see that he is still very much on your mind and you wish more than anything that he was in your daughter’s life. I think you are still in disbelief and a little bitter at the way he handled the news of your pregnancy, I also believe you may actually still be in love with him.

    Of course all that is ok as long as it does not influence your decisions on men and dating now. All men are not alike and there are still lots of decent guys available out there. But you need to truly put this guy in your past… physically, spiritually and emotionally . I certainly don’t mean to be hurtful, I think you know by now that is never my motivation.

    Having said all that and while I don’t even know you, I think you do an amazing job as a mom and you and your daughter certainly do not need anyone in your life who doesn’t wanna be there.

    Am I in trouble now?

    • of course your not in trouble ted: )lol. i always enjoy your comments. always.

      baby daddy took news of the pregnancy well, it was after baby girl was born that the coward came out. at first i was really upset, crushed and saddened for my little angel who i was so much in love with after 4 days. and i do truly believe his actions from that point on were and continue to be cowardly.

      you are right, at first i was very bitter… until almost 2 years ago when i made the decision i was no longer going to be trying to maintain contact with him. no more would i be sending the emails, the updates, or the pictures. i left that up to him with the explanation i could no longer spare any mental space on him… a month later he said he understood and he would try to come and meet his daughter. he said he thought about her everyday. and yet, i have heard nothing from him in 22months.

      after that it took time to stop thinking about him. then i went through a phase of thinking i forgave him for all he hadn’t done for princess d. but that still came from a slightly bitter place. then, over the past year, i started to see the problems other people around me have with their ex’s … and i saw how painful it was for 2 very good parents, now separate or divorced, to have to share their time with their children. and i became very thankful that i didn’t have to do any of these things.

      so, although i do write about it, i am no longer bothered by baby daddy’s decisions any more. and i am truly thankful i don’t have to deal with any bullshit or have to share my baby girl (and yes, i know that is selfish of me)

      that said i can’t guarantee baby daddy won’t be a subject of another blog… he might, he might not. who knows what the future will bring.

      and thanks ted, for the kind words on me as a mom. being a mom is the best thing that ever happened to me. helping me find my grounding and helping me find more purpose to life… it’s been an amazing journey for me… thanks for continuing to read about it:)

  5. Love this Nikki! I feel exactly the same way…I absolutely LOVE having my princess all to myself and not having to share her with a deadbeat…I wouldn’t change any of this for the world 🙂 Awesome post girl! xo

    • i’m even grateful i don’t have to share her with a good, caring dad… which is selfish of me, but i’m grateful she’s with me 100% of the time. i couldn’t even imagine it any other way. as i always tell her, she’s my best gift ever… i wouldn’t deny her a good caring dad if there was one, but it’s not the case and for that i’m grateful.

      • I agree 🙂 I’m so grateful that I don’t have to share custody with anyone or only see her every second weekend…I couldn’t imagine it any other way either…

  6. Love your perspective on life! Thanks for stopping by my blog and reading about my interview with my kids. One of my friends is a single mom, and right at this very moment, she is off on a California adventure with her 6 yr old, making the most of touring around with her daughter after a business conference. I love the joy of life she has and how she obviously adores her daughter, and it’s easy to see that in you, too. I’m now following your blog!

    • awww, thanks kathy. i love your blog too. and that interview piece was brilliant. loved it. especially seeing the different perspectives of the kids at the different ages. so brilliant.

      and you know… i think so many parents don’t take the time to really sit down and listen to their kids. not all of them, but a lot. especially when they’re young. and that’s the best time to be introduced to their true beings.

      your friend sounds awesome. i’ve just booked a vacation to nicaragua in march with my little girl, one of my best friend’s and my sister & my nephew… and am really excited for the adventure. now we’ll be working hard to save the money for the vacay but that’s what any family has to do.

      thanks again for following my blog:)

  7. Pingback: A Letter to the Ladies Who Try to Keep Their Babies From Their Daddies… | seriouslysingleabsolutelyattached

  8. And I want to say thankyou to YOU for making me feel less alone in going through the same situation. This letter is amazing x

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