21 Rules If You Want To Date Me… a continuous journey in the land of online dating

maybe this should be my profile pic…. or my next haircut!

Back again to the world of online dating, fishing in that whirlpool of eligible bachelors for the one that might be compatible for me while meeting dozens of those who really aren’t… as well as those who can’t handle me. Yes, I am a handful but in a very good way.

I’m on my fourth time around, I thought it only fair to level the playing field and point out there are rules to dating a woman like me.  And these are rules that need to be followed if you’re getting that score you’re dreaming of… because why else would be be messaging me?

  1. Use a profile pic! And if you don’t have one because you are trying to be “discreet” because of your job (wtf?) then by all means send one with your first message. Talking with a faceless wonder is annoying and if I’m being totally upfront and honest with my face plastered everywhere then shouldn’t you do the same?
  2. In reference to the have to be “discreet” because of my job crap… seriously WTF??? Online dating isn’t porn so what do you have to be discreet about? Unless of course the “job” your talking about is that one where you’re a husband or partner then you can be discreet with someone who is looking for that.
  3. Read my profile before you message me with your random “I’m in town for the night wanna hook up?” messages. There’s nothing there that says that’s what I’m looking for.
  4. BTW wanna hook up guys, what’s up with the pee pee shots? I gotta ask.. do those descriptions of your porn star wee wee really work for you? Or those down low look at my hard member pics? I kind of find them funny, and if I’m being honest, if I respond I’m making fun of you. Sorry, but ya kinda put yourself out there.
  5. Style is a must. I look stylish, no? In my picture I’m well made up without wearing pajama pants so please don’t think I will like you if you look like a slob or are wearing pajama pants. While you may be a nice person let’s face it… it’s never going to work.

    maybe the “i’m looking away with my mouth open suggestively” would be better…

  6. Sorry… men over 45. It’s not happening. I can’t do it. I’m not into older men. Especially those older than my father.
  7. Boys… you know who I’m talking about, you 20-somethings with your generally hot bods and totally cool activity… think about it, do you really want to date a 40 year old woman? It’s just a hook up.. and sorry, but I’m not the cougar who’s gonna fulfill your pubescent fantasies.
  8. That said… boys who just want to chat because we have mutual interests… you’re cool. Stay that way and no wee wee shots… it’s just awkward.
  9. Oversensitive men, you know who you are, those of you who get overly upset and offended when I don’t respond right away. You also get a WTF? Do you think I’m on these sites 24-7? That I have nothing else in my life to do other than check to see if you sent me a message or not. I don’t live online and you shouldn’t either. Get over yourself.
  10. BTW… oversensitive men... and hour-long chat on PlentyofFish doesn’t warrant the need to send a “break-up” message because I haven’t responded in a couple of days. Grow a set and get over yourself.
  11. On that note, if my existential balls are biggerthan your real ones don’t bother.

    thanks to Facebook, i don’t have to say this… Mr. Draper does it for me *swoon*

  12. While I understand the “coffee date” is viewed as the safe first meeting point, it doesn’t appeal to me. I’m a single mother who rarely gets to go out. Wasting a babysitter on a cup of coffee just isn’t gonna happen this time around. Intrigue me…
  13. Don’t think I’m going to immediately go out with you. While I think eye contact is important, let me get to know you enough to want to go with you. Tell me about yourself. Again, intrigue me.
  14. When I say I’m looking for “friends” I mean that. Interest me as a friend then I’ll go out with you.
  15. If you can’t make me laugh, or don’t have a sense of humour, don’t bother.
  16. If you are broken and you only want the mama side of me to make you feel better and good about yourself, don’t bother. See number 11.
  17. If you have nothing interesting to say, please don’t say it. See number 18.
  18. Why bother writing a “hi” as your first line of meeting. Come on, put some work into it. If you can’t then look for someone who hasn’t. See number 3… you’ll learn alot.
  19. Your profile should say something. Take a little bit of time there. How else am I supposed to know if I’d like to talk to you? Especially when there’s no picture there too.
  20. If I politely tell you I’m not interested in a date of any sort with your right now, don’t hound me for a date 2 days later.
  21. IF I say, “Yes, we can be friends.” DON’T take that as a go ahead to call me baby, sweetie, honey or any other term of endearment. That’s a big overstepping in the friends department, buddy.

So there I rant. And maybe as the South Koreans told me, my eyes are too high in my head. But seriously, this late in the game am I going to settle? I have standard and class is one of them.

I don’t think I’m the best thing out there, but I do know what it will take to date a woman like me who is witty, intelligent, independent, passionate and fun. Follow these rules and other woman like me will be yours for the taking. *insert girly giggle here*

Any rules you’d add to this list? Love to hear them… and if there’s any single dad’s out there who would do their own list I’d love to put it on my blog. I aim to present both sides of the situation.


8 thoughts on “21 Rules If You Want To Date Me… a continuous journey in the land of online dating

  1. Nikki, by starting off your blog with “21 rules if you want to date me…” You have eliminated a lot of potential suitors. Not that your rules don’t make sense, most of them do, but any guy who fits the criteria is going to ask himself, “Do I really want to date someone who puts so many rules in place before we even meet?”

    A better strategy would be “21 suggestions if you would like to date me”. What would you think if you met Mr. Right and he said, “Ok Nikki, I like you but if we are going to give this a try, here is a list of rules for you to follow”. I think he would go from Mr. Right to Mr. Wrong in a matter of seconds. Or, what if he was perfect in every way but he was 46 and for that reason he passed on you?

    Obviously any guy who thinks he is going to impress you with a picture of his “pee pee” is looking for one thing only, but a guy who suggests a coffee date is prolly trying to see if there is anything to pursue before he invests too much time. The reason a coffee date is good is because if either of you see in 15 minutes that it is a no go (he is in sweatpants or you outline more rules for example), you can just say, “Thanks, see ya’ around” and make a graceful exit. If, however, you see that you may have something to work with…then by mutual agreement the evening can be extended, book the sitter for the evening just in case.

    Let me see now, in a nutshell, you are looking for a well dressed, confident, funny, handsome guy, who is not over sensitive and who can walk that fine line between staying in touch and not hounding you too much. Who is between 30 and 45 and can intrigue you with his words of wisdom and presumedly has a job of some kind. Keeping in mind that this perfect guy is on Plenty Of Fish to try to find a date when common sense would dictate that women should be lined up at his door….hmmmmm

    With respect as always

    • hey ted… as always i love your comments:)

      let me ask you this, would a blog entitled “21 suggestions if you want to date me” get you to read as much as one that says “21 rule”? there are times when i choose words for drama as opposed to the ones that might not scare people off. it’s the writer in me i can’t help it.

      you seem to have read through the lines well to capture the kind of man i’d be interested in, except i’d prefer between the ages of 35 – 25 … i believe there’s something to be said about people around your age, life experience can dictate so much when it comes to conversation and goals. of course if i met a man who was 46 and he seemed to be very similar to me then i wouldn’t turn it down, but generally that isn’t happening.

      you being able to understand from the rules what i am looking for is a good thing, since that would mean other men would see the kind of guy i’d be interested in and realize that might not be them. the idea is to limit the amount of suitors. if someone is scared away by the rules i’ve written or offended then they don’t get my humour or they fit some of the rules. (btw: i don’t mind sweats, but not for a first date. pj pants never in public because it seems as if you just don’t care, at least to me.)

      as for the coffee date thing, i understand all the reasoning behind it. and i’ve done it the other times i’ve been dating online. but i don’t enjoy it and i don’t see the point of trying to find someone to watch my kid so we can meet for a coffee. i’d much rather go for a walk or a pint after work before i have to pick my daughter up. one beer is fine… i personally like the atmosphere of a pub a bit more than a coffee shop.. at least where we live… or a hike. mountain biking. something fun. it’s what i like, not others, and i won’t go out with someone until we’ve been talking a lot so i feel like i know you a bit, and i feel that you’re honest. so that way when we meet i won’t want to run away after 15 minutes because you don’t look the way i thought you would.

      honesty is important. online and off. and just because we’re meeting online doesn’t mean that you should hide who you are. in fact it should be easier to just talk and get to know each other a bit before we meet in person.

  2. and Ted is right. while you certainly deserve a guy like that, someone that meets all those requirements, isn’t bothering to look online. he doesn’t need to.

      • i know. not easy. maybe i was being too negative. you’re pretty and you have a lot of personality. i hope you don’t settle for that beer belly guy in a singlet.

        btw – read one of your articles and clicked on the link. then i read your blog. you’re funny. i’m from portland, oregon.

      • i know. not easy. maybe i was being too negative.

        btw – i read one of your articles. then clicked on the link. you’re funny. i’m from portland, oregon.

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