Back again to the world of online dating, fishing in that whirlpool of eligible bachelors for the one that might be compatible for me while meeting dozens of those who really aren’t… as well as those who can’t handle me. Yes, I am a handful but in a very good way.
I’m on my fourth time around, I thought it only fair to level the playing field and point out there are rules to dating a woman like me. And these are rules that need to be followed if you’re getting that score you’re dreaming of… because why else would be be messaging me?
- Use a profile pic! And if you don’t have one because you are trying to be “discreet” because of your job (wtf?) then by all means send one with your first message. Talking with a faceless wonder is annoying and if I’m being totally upfront and honest with my face plastered everywhere then shouldn’t you do the same?
- In reference to the have to be “discreet” because of my job crap… seriously WTF??? Online dating isn’t porn so what do you have to be discreet about? Unless of course the “job” your talking about is that one where you’re a husband or partner then you can be discreet with someone who is looking for that.
- Read my profile before you message me with your random “I’m in town for the night wanna hook up?” messages. There’s nothing there that says that’s what I’m looking for.
- BTW wanna hook up guys, what’s up with the pee pee shots? I gotta ask.. do those descriptions of your porn star wee wee really work for you? Or those down low look at my hard member pics? I kind of find them funny, and if I’m being honest, if I respond I’m making fun of you. Sorry, but ya kinda put yourself out there.
- Style is a must. I look stylish, no? In my picture I’m well made up without wearing pajama pants so please don’t think I will like you if you look like a slob or are wearing pajama pants. While you may be a nice person let’s face it… it’s never going to work.
- Sorry… men over 45. It’s not happening. I can’t do it. I’m not into older men. Especially those older than my father.
- Boys… you know who I’m talking about, you 20-somethings with your generally hot bods and totally cool activity… think about it, do you really want to date a 40 year old woman? It’s just a hook up.. and sorry, but I’m not the cougar who’s gonna fulfill your pubescent fantasies.
- That said… boys who just want to chat because we have mutual interests… you’re cool. Stay that way and no wee wee shots… it’s just awkward.
- Oversensitive men, you know who you are, those of you who get overly upset and offended when I don’t respond right away. You also get a WTF? Do you think I’m on these sites 24-7? That I have nothing else in my life to do other than check to see if you sent me a message or not. I don’t live online and you shouldn’t either. Get over yourself.
- BTW… oversensitive men... and hour-long chat on PlentyofFish doesn’t warrant the need to send a “break-up” message because I haven’t responded in a couple of days. Grow a set and get over yourself.
- On that note, if my existential balls are biggerthan your real ones don’t bother.
- While I understand the “coffee date” is viewed as the safe first meeting point, it doesn’t appeal to me. I’m a single mother who rarely gets to go out. Wasting a babysitter on a cup of coffee just isn’t gonna happen this time around. Intrigue me…
- Don’t think I’m going to immediately go out with you. While I think eye contact is important, let me get to know you enough to want to go with you. Tell me about yourself. Again, intrigue me.
- When I say I’m looking for “friends” I mean that. Interest me as a friend then I’ll go out with you.
- If you can’t make me laugh, or don’t have a sense of humour, don’t bother.
- If you are broken and you only want the mama side of me to make you feel better and good about yourself, don’t bother. See number 11.
- If you have nothing interesting to say, please don’t say it. See number 18.
- Why bother writing a “hi” as your first line of meeting. Come on, put some work into it. If you can’t then look for someone who hasn’t. See number 3… you’ll learn alot.
- Your profile should say something. Take a little bit of time there. How else am I supposed to know if I’d like to talk to you? Especially when there’s no picture there too.
- If I politely tell you I’m not interested in a date of any sort with your right now, don’t hound me for a date 2 days later.
- IF I say, “Yes, we can be friends.” DON’T take that as a go ahead to call me baby, sweetie, honey or any other term of endearment. That’s a big overstepping in the friends department, buddy.
So there I rant. And maybe as the South Koreans told me, my eyes are too high in my head. But seriously, this late in the game am I going to settle? I have standard and class is one of them.
I don’t think I’m the best thing out there, but I do know what it will take to date a woman like me who is witty, intelligent, independent, passionate and fun. Follow these rules and other woman like me will be yours for the taking. *insert girly giggle here*
Any rules you’d add to this list? Love to hear them… and if there’s any single dad’s out there who would do their own list I’d love to put it on my blog. I aim to present both sides of the situation.