Please Can You Find My Daddy… a plead from the mouth of Princess D

beautiful princess d, age 5 months

“I want my Daddy,” was the sad little cry that came from the mouth of my beautiful three-year old as I put her to bed.

At first this started as a toddler tactic. She was pulling out all stops to try and get me to let her stay up. Whereas other kids opt for the angry cry, Princess D has always been on the more dramatic side of things, the oh-poor-me-I’m-devestated tactic. Wounded and hurt, utilizing those big brown eyes as much as she can.

This is how the above started, I could tell by the medium amount of insincerity she had in her words. But it was as if she started to see the truth to those words and she kept repeating it, getting sadder each time she said them.

“I want my Daddy,” she half sobbed as I stoked her hair. My heart broke.
“I know you do my sweetie.”
“Can you promise you will take me on a walk to find a man to be my Daddy?” hopefully she asked.
“What kind of man?” I prompted. Mostly to see if she’d bring up Blahblah again.
“A kind man who loves lots of people, especially his family,” says my three-year old as she wraps her little arms around my neck.
Ok my baby.”
“And if a car comes, can you lift me out of the way?”

(Words can not describe how much I love my kid.)

The next half hour was a repeat of this conversation and my “I’ll try to find you a Daddy” turned into “Yes, my baby. We’ll walk on the road and look for your Daddy.” (note: this is why I get disgusted with Baby Daddy, coward that he is.) It took me being a little stern to make her stop repeating it and settle. Poor thing.

princess d, age 2, playing in the sand, ingonish beach

Of course I wonder if having let Blahblah into her life for a brief bit of time was what is bringing this on. Before him she’d never known a man that Mommy kissed. A man who went on hikes with them, ate with them and hung out with them. There’s also the fact there are no regular male figures in her life anymore. Dad is dead and my brother is busy so he’s not around. She went from three of them to pretty much none. And that’s gotta be hard.

Plus, there’s preschool now where so many of the kids are getting picked up by Daddies and they’re studying family this month so everyone is talking about Daddies. Even though in Princess D’s classroom there are more pictures of her and her family than anyone else (like SEVEN compared to two of the other kids, mostly because she insisted on bringing nine pictures to class) it’s almost as if the Daddy figure is being rubbed a little in her face.

It breaks my heart… so much so that I had a nightmare about Blahblah and couldn’t get off the chair this morning to do yoga until I got this out on paper… or rather computer. There’s nothing I can do about the Daddy situation except keep her away from any men I date until I know they aren’t going to break our hearts again.

And I suppose we’ll have to start walking the road looking for men who love a lot of people.

(update: when Princess D and I were getting ready to leave for work and preschool this morning, she stopped me and said, “You told me we were not going to work today so we could walk and look for a Daddy.” My kid forgets nothing.)

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9 thoughts on “Please Can You Find My Daddy… a plead from the mouth of Princess D

  1. Bless you both…..it’s not easy being the mommy and daddy and it can’t be easy being the baby who wants the daddy, especially because the other kids have daddies. Sadly, it doesn’t take much to be a father but it takes a real man to be a daddy. I sure do empathize with you and Princess D and have “been there….done that”. Princess D is such a dear little girl and I hope you know that she’ll be fine because she has the unconditional love of her wonderful mommy. My boys are now 21 and 30 years old and have grown to be wonderful men. I know that they will not repeat the sins of their fathers because they’ve told me so.

    Oddly, my 21 year old son and I discussed this over breakfast this morning at 6:30am. He wonders if his father ever even thinks about him. I wonder what the hell is wrong with men who father children and walk away from them with barely a backward glance. I have no answer for my son but he knows that he has been loved abundantly by his mom, who has always been there and will always be there for him.

    When my 30 year old was 4 years old, he wrote a letter (one of many) to his father and stated very firmly that “if he doesn’t answer this one, I’m writing him off”. How sad and what a loss for the father. When they began, in grade primary, doing the things you describe like making cards for Mommy and Daddy, my son took his teacher aside and informed her that he couldn’t complete this project. She asked why and he replied “because he’s dead”. I suppose to him, he was.

    Keep the faith my friend…..Princess D and you are very lucky to have each other. You will make it because there are no other options and because you’re a special mom! “The most precious gems you will ever wear around your neck are the arms of a child”. Much love xoxo

    • they are the most precious gifts. and i also can’t understand, irene, a parent that would leave or not care to keep in touch with their child. those letters must have been so heartbreaking to you but something your son needed to do as a way to give his not-there parent a chance. poor little things, no matter how much you love them they still wonder about that missing figure. for davis it’s been a lot lately.

      oddly enough, while she was at a sleep over last weekend she told my friend that her daddy was in heaven. i guess she’s starting to write him off as dead too. which is pretty much what he is to her. our involvement in their lives is what keeps us alive.

  2. Dear Davis,
    Your mommy is trying very hard to find you a daddy… but not just any daddy, she is looking for a daddy who will love you both forever, one who will applaud at your graduation and dance with mommy at your wedding. A daddy who be kind and tender to mommy’s precious little girl and who will be there to help if you have a belly ache or a bad dream. A daddy who will show you what a good man is like so that you’ll know what to look for when you get older. A daddy who will make you laugh and feel happy. A daddy who speaks with respect when talking to or about mommy, even when she’s not around. A daddy who will protect you and spend as much time with you and mommy as possible. A daddy who will help fix mommy’s car or sit down with a bowl of popcorn to watch a movie with you. A daddy who will go with you to pick out a Christmas tree and carry it home or help you shop for mommy’s Christmas or birthday present. A daddy who is strong enough to carry you around on his shoulders and who smiles every time you or mommy enter a room…..Don’t worry little one, mommy is looking and he’s out there somewhere and when she finds him you’ll be able to go to sleep at night knowing that you have the best daddy in the world.

  3. Pingback: A Letter to the Ladies Who Try to Keep Their Babies From Their Daddies… | seriouslysingleabsolutelyattached

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