To Date Or Not To Date … that is the question of this moment

dating… do i really have the time???

Do I really want to continue down this path of dating?

I mean, it takes up so much time. So much time getting to know someone, a new friend who could be a potential suitor, and trying to find the hours to do this is near impossible. For the first time since becoming a mom I’m having a bit of a social life, thanks to this dating thing. A real social life where I make plans to do things not work or domestic duties related and quite frankly it’s exhausting.

It’s not like I’m going out all the time just trying to schedule one meeting a week with a possible Prince Charming (and find the babysitter) but it’s enough to make me realize why people stop having a social life when they have kids. Being a parent is a busy job. It’s just easier to stay home and do what has to be done so I find myself wondering if I really want to add more to this never-ending list of things I need and want to do?

Do I want to have these dates with strangers? These meetings that bring me out of my house and away from my kid? If I indulge my dating social life on week nights my housework suffers (and if I’m being honest I suck at housework these days). Weekend dating encounters means I miss time with Princess D  and there’s nothing else I want to do but hang out with my toddler on the weekend.

hmmmm… kisses…. from those that aren’t kids…

On the other side, I won’t meet people if I don’t do this dating thing. Believe it or not, you can make friends online dating – as long as both of you are mature adults and can accept a new friendship. This is partly the reason why I chat with 20-somethings that seem cool. Until they make it awkward then I remind them of the no sex with 20-year old rules and cut them off. Most of them have been cut off. But there are a few who are still casual friends and I’ve made other  great friends via online dating. In fact, all the friends I have right now with the exception of my Single Mommy Friend I’ve met online.

But the question still remains… Is this dating thing really worth it? Or am I simply being scared of what I may actually find out there? Has Blahblah broke the last straw so I can’t be bothered anymore or have I become so used to being in control of everything that deep down I just don’t want another person to be added to this mix? Or am I just being a pussy footed dick who needs to shut up with the worrying and just go for it?

Or is it that I’m right and it’s just not the time for me to be devoting time into the dating world. There’s so many other things I’d rather do with my nights away from toddler than meet with someone I may or may not have good conversation with. I’d rather be doing yoga, planning retreats at the Annfield Manor or playing with my kid. Yes, there’s the argument a person has needs. Of course they do. But let’s just say, a girl can always have fun when fun is what is needed.

Alas, I am balanced on this fence between these two pastures and that’s where I’ll sit for the moment. However, Princess D continues to push me to the side where she has a Daddy now. Any Daddy “who is kind and loves a lot of people especially his family” will do. I wish, Princess D, it could be that easy.

Any insight? I’d love to hear it.

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6 thoughts on “To Date Or Not To Date … that is the question of this moment

  1. I know exactly where you are coming from. I have been a single parent since my girls were 2 and 3, now 12 and 13 and I chose not to date until recent years. It does require so much time and effort and I just didn’t have any left over. Now, I would love to find someone for me, and I will, eventually. Good things will come, someday. Good luck!

    • and to you as well. i could easily do what you did and just keep it us until she’s much older… there’s a big part of me that doesn’t want to give up my time with her… then when i have nothing to do i get sad because i need more mommy time. lol. just one big catch 22 really. thanks for reading:)

  2. “A pussy footed dick…” Wow, such harsh self criticism. Let’s take a realistic view at the situation. I know from your 21 rules that you have thought this out quite extensively. Right now you seem to indicate that as far as dating goes you can take it or leave it, so why don’t you leave it…at least for now. But keep your eyes and ears open. You have a very special audience member watching your every move so if a date happens to come along, make sure she only knows you are going out with a friend so she won’t have visions of “daddy” running through her head.

    Knowledge is power. The more you can get to know him before introducing him to your daughter, the better. You’re going to want to meet his family and friends at some point if you see this going anywhere and I would try to do that before you introduce him to Princess D. for three reasons : 1) To see if he will actually introduce you to them and if not, ask yourself why. 2) Watch how he interacts with them, is he respectful towards them and are they towards him? 3) To see what kind of people he actually associates with, if his friends are greaseballs then chances are he is too and meeting family will give you a pretty good picture of his values and personality. No point in getting the princess’s hopes up for nothing.

    So how do you meet this guy in the first place, well I personally think online dating sites such as Plenty of Fish are a waste of time and energy. You don’t have to answer this question publicly but how many people do you know who have actually developed a long term relationship this way? As your daughter gets older it will open opportunities to meet other single parents ie: school functions, sports or other family orientated functions. Activities such as yoga classes, go to a beach or trail clean ups, art and music festivals, habitat for humanity if there is one in your area or just go camping…these are all (or mostly anyway) things you can involve your daughter in and thereby eliminate a babysitter, won’t break the bank and are a great way to meet people.

    So your question, “Is dating really worth it?”… No, not if it consumes all your energy, time and patience. Not if it dominates your whole thought process and brings you more disappointments then rewards. Certainly not if it robs from your relationship with your daughter. But if you happen to run into a single guy who has a similar set of values to you and you want to give it a go, why not? To say that one should wait until their child is older before they even consider it is foolish, there could be 15 – 20 years of happiness gone in a life that is way to short as it is….Just relax and as I’ve said earlier, keep your eyes and ears open. I don’t offer this opinion because my advice is always right but because I have so much experience at being wrong. Oh, and by the way, you certainly don’t strike me as a pussy footed dick…with respect as always.

    • as always, LOVE your comments.

      so many good points… and yes, there’s a big part of me that is so happy with the love i get from Princess D that i don’t desire any more at the minute… BUT that said, i know once i stop this little bit of chatting with men online & the odd date here and there i will start to miss this adult interaction.

      and with Princess D wanting a “daddy” so much it makes me feel like i shouldn’t leave the dating thing for a moment.

      to answer your question about people finding love / long term relationships via POF… i know so many who have. so, i do know it works. and i do find it a nice way to meet people… it’s the bringing them into reality i’m having a hard time with at the moment…

      alas, if it’s meant to be it will happen. otherwise, i’ll continue to use it as a means of interesting content for my writing i suppose:)

  3. I think all of your questions are valid and I think you are right about everyone. You are a scared, frustrated, apathetic, pussy-footed, need-to-be-in-control of life woman. And you have every right to be all of those things. One by one these things will go away, either with time or with work, depending on your choices, and when you do find Prince Charming, he will fit right into your life like a puzzle piece you never knew was missing, and you will see that there is more to the picture than you had ever thought 🙂 xoxox

    • you are so right, melissa. i’m totally all of those things… and really, i’m not going to change any of these just to be with someone… if there’s someone out there for us (me and princess d) he will take all sides of our being… and will be that puzzle piece that fits and makes us feel more whole than before. xoxo

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