A Letter to the Ladies Who Try to Keep Their Babies From Their Daddies…

hearing your story of vindictiveness boggles my mind….

Seriously, WTF????

I’m not talking to you ladies, who were in relationships with Deadbeat Dads who are barely around and are bad influences for your kids. Or those with Sperm Donor Males who impregnated you and now pretend their child doesn’t exist. This is directed at the ladies who were in relationships with decent caring men, who are now loving fathers who cherish every minute with their children, fathers who try their best to be there as much as they can, yet you turn around and try to keep their children from them.

WTF is wrong with you????

Do you not see how this form of emotional blackmail to get back at an ex that may or may not have done something to hurt you doesn’t really solve anything? Sure, you might get a twinge of “haha” revenge when you see the pain of disappointment in your former lovers eyes after you crush their hearts by not keeping your promise to bring the kids by on Halloween so Daddy can see his babies in their costumes. Ok, you might get a sick sense of gratification knowing that Daddy put all this time and effort into making a scary surprise for his kids on Halloween and you took that memory away from him, replacing it heart sinking feeling that he missed another Halloween with his babies. But it’s not just him your hurting… it’s your kids too. Is it worth it for a minute of negative happiness?

How can you think your children won’t see what you’re doing? I don’t understand how you don’t realize that you’re babies will see you are the one somehow interfering with their special moments with their father? That you are the one making the promises not happen. And more importantly, how can you think your kids don’t need to have these moments with their Dad?

i just don’t get it….

I just don’t get it. In front of you is a willing and loving father for your children. Someone who wants to spend time with them, support them, nourish them and be there for them. They aren’t trying to keep you from your kids, they are trying to make the situation work with Mommy and Daddy living in two homes. Yet, here you are for whatever reason trying to sabotage it.

Some of you might be bitter because it was your former love that left you. Get over it and move on. I’ve seen a couple of wonderful women who’s hearts were left smashed into millions of pieces after their husbands of a couple of decades up and left with no indication anything was really wrong. Yet, these strong, inspiring women looked beyond this betrayal and held it together for the sake of their beautiful children. They save their harsh words and bitter arguments for when the children are not around and never do anything to keep their kids away from the ex’s who broke their heart. No matter how much they want to lash out and hurt them they don’t because they know it would hurt their kids. Children need their fathers – especially when that father is a good father.

Then there are you ladies who were the ones that left the relationship. Why would you, after being the one who said, “This isn’t working,” be so bloody vindictive that you’d do spiteful things like not bring your kids by on Halloween to see their Dad? Why would you tell your ex, “Sure you can have the kids this weekend,” then call last minute with some lame ass excuse as to why you can’t keep your promise? What do you get out of these games? And do you really think you’re kids are so stupid they’re not figuring out what’s going on?

Seriously, I don’t get it. There are so many of us Moms who would love to have their child’s father be a loving part of their lives. We cringe inside when our babies ask where their Daddy is or if we can walk down the road to find them a Daddy. Yet, here you are, with that amazing example of the male species, who truly is a dedicated dad, wanting to be there for everything, and you cock block them at every corner.

WTF is wrong with you?

seriously, maybe you need counseling…

Why make up lies to try and get the courts to keep the good Dads away from their kids? Why break promises to your kids to get back at your ex that may or may not have done something wrong? Why not put the happiness of your kids first and find a way to parent together with these men that deserve to be the Dads they want to be to their children?

You really have no idea how lucky you are. Why not take a moment to give yourself a reality check, move away from that bitchy inclination you have to hurt your ex and accept the fact you’re ex is a good father and deserves to be with his kids.

You’re kids deserve that too.

Any thoughts or comments? Would love to hear them….

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8 thoughts on “A Letter to the Ladies Who Try to Keep Their Babies From Their Daddies…

    • thanks:) just some things can’t be ignored… and too often it’s assumed the mother is always the perfect one in a co-parenting situation… but often that’s not the case. we’re all humans. we can all do shitty things… even good people sometimes do shitty things.

  1. Nikki, i usually read through your blog carefully searching for points to disagree with and if I don’t find any I don’t usually respond at all, but you frigged me up this time because you nailed it and i think the subject matter is important so here’s my two cents worth.

    It has been proven time and time again that the effects of divorce on children can be dramatic. Studies also show that boys will often show obvious signs of stress and behavioural changes almost immediately while girls will hold it inside and the results may not show up until they are older. Kids will blame themselves for the marital meltdown and in many cases their self esteem will go through the floor, especially if the departed parent has taken up with another partner who may have kids of their own and the “new” kids suddenly seem to mean more to mom or dad then the “old” kids they left behind. Children who are old enough to understand the emotional upheaval of divorce must also deal with:

    PARENTAL LOSS– divorce often results in the loss of contact with one parent and with this loss children also lose the knowledge, skills and resources (emotional, financial, etc.) of that parent.

    ECONOMIC LOSS– another result of divorce is that children living in single parent families are less likely to have as many economic resources as children living in intact families.

    MORE LIFE STRESS– divorce often results in many changes in children’s living situations such as changing schools, child care, homes, etc. Children often also have to make adjustments to changes in relationships with friends and extended family members. These changes create a more stressful environment for children.

    POOR PARENTAL ADJUSTMENT– generally how children fare in families is due in part to the mental health of the parents, this is likely to be true for children in divorced families as well.

    LACK OF PARENTAL COMPETENCE– much of what happens to children in general is related to the skill of parents in helping them develop. The competence of parents following divorce is likely to have considerable influence on how the children are doing.

    EXPOSURE TO CONFLICT BETWEEN PARENTS– conflict is frequently part of families and may be especially common in families that have undergone divorce. The degree to which children are exposed to conflict may have substantial effects on children’s well-being.

    So, if parents can somehow lessen the impact of these things by trying to be civil to one another and allowing their children time with the other parent, they need to put aside their own bitterness and frustration for the sake of their children…Of course if the other parent is living an unhealthy lifestyle ie: abusive, drugs, alcoholic or have a steady stream of men or women parading through their doors then all bets are off.

    Kids are not stupid and in years to come they will in most cases recognize who did what and who didn’t.

    With respect as always.

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