Should Being Stood Up Be The End… the return of blah blah

DSC01517It was the thing romance novels are made off of.

Driving mid-afternoon on a Saturday in November the phone rings. It’s Blah Blah and he’s not in his home city but 15 minutes away from mine. *wtf?* Did I want him to bring over a coffee he asks. A funny question because the town he was in has probably the worst coffee in the world. I suspected what he really wanted was to come for a visit (this was his pattern) so I said sure and I have beer in the fridge so forget the coffee.

Unlike the other times Blah Blah wanted to see me during our very long hiatus my heart didn’t skip a beat. I was over him, had fully come to terms with the fact that we were going to be just friends and I was OK with that.

He arrived, Princess D was ecstatic (she told me he was coming to see her because he missed her so much) and I was accepting. Better to be friends with someone you got along with than to not have them in your life. It made me calmly happy.

The night went on, Princess D fell asleep in his arms after having a melt down fearing she would never see Blah Blah again, and I continued to find peace in the fact that yeah, we could just be friends. It wasn’t until much later that I realized this wasn’t what Blah Blah wanted.

No, he was there to ask me to give him another chance. In a way, it felt like he was begging me a bit. He apologized for not seeing how good it was before, for taking so long to decide, and for other things I can’t remember right now. At one point he told me he had made a grown up decision about “this” and pointed around the room, my house, my life, and my Princess D.

At first I was wary but I’m not going to lie it was the best thing I could have ever heard. There was nothing more I wanted than to have us back together. It seemed right. Sure, we’re different but so alike in other ways. I could see us complimenting each other especially if the communication thing could be improved upon.

You see, I need to talk to my lover. On a regular basis. I want to feel them miss me like I miss them. Just a bit. Not all the time texting and stuff. That’s over powering. But a call every couple of days and some engaging messages is essential. Especially when you live an hour and a half away from each other. How can you become your lover’s best friend if this doesn’t happen?

Blah Blah said he knew he needed to work on this and made me admit I needed to tell him how I’m feeling and when something bothers me more frankly instead of letting it go until it builds up. It’s true. I do. Both parties need to work at a relationship if it’s going to work.

And I thought it was. I thought this time was different because it seemed so. And then three weeks later Blah Blah stood us up. Both Princess D and I. And both of us were devastated. Not to mention I became this blubbering fool.

The short version is Toddler and I were in Halifax and would be driving through Blah Blah’s city on the way home. I made plans with Blah Blah to meet up with him there in the afternoon, side-tracking our drive, so we all could go for a hike and have supper.

I called before we left, called when we got close, called when we got there. No answer. I texted. I went to his house. Knocked on the door twice. No answer. Went back to the car and took Toddler to lunch. Toddler cried because she wanted to see Blah Blah. I tried to hide my disappointment.

Texted more before we left and called one last time. Mail box full and all my texts weren’t being read. Very strange I thought and the worry started. There had been a bit of a snow storm the night before and Blah Blah had said he might be going out.

The next hour and a half as I drove home I became more and more panicked when I didn’t hear from him. My head was going over the worst situations. My heart was racing and tears were streaming down my face. By the time I got home I was in such a state of anxiety I thought I have to calm myself and make sure the worst didn’t happen. So I called the police to make sure there were no accidents with his car.

Yes, I became that girl who called the cops to make sure everything was OK. I felt like an idiot but at least I knew things weren’t the worst.

Finally Blah Blah called 7 hours after I had called him first; 4 hours after we were supposed to meet up. He said he was sorry, that he hadn’t been feeling well and was probably napping when I was at his house. In his house napping. I asked if he forgot we were coming he said no and that he didn’t think they were important plans. He also told me he went to the mall but ended up going home quickly after getting there. I asked why he didn’t message or call me to let me know he wasn’t feeling well and we should just keep driving. He said he didn’t know why. I said we should just be friends because I can’t deal with this.

We met up a couple of nights later and I told him the same thing – we should just be friends if that’s how he is all the time. He told me he wasn’t and that was it. It was the last time we spent together. And my heart is still crushed by it. Damn it! I was fine before the “please take me back” thing and now I’m back at square one trying to get over him. Not just because he stood us up but also because he didn’t even try to prove to me he wasn’t like that. Nothing. He pretty much was like, OK if she says we should just be friends then we should. But we’re not even attempting that this time.

Now we don’t talk. In a way I feel like he left me hanging. Princess D said to me the other night, “Mama? Blah Blah is only half a nice man, right?” I didn’t answer. What can I say really? He stood her up like he did me. He hurt her feelings too.

Was I too harsh to want to just be friends because he stood us up? Did I make my decision to hastily? This was the second time for standing us up by the way. First time Princess D wasn’t expecting to see him so it was only me who was annoyed. But still, is being stood up the deal breaker? Or should it be easily forgiven?

In this case it really doesn’t matter. Things are done. It’s over. And I’m thinking I’m over this dating thing for a bit. More fish to fry in the universe at the moment and I’ll need my attention on these to move forward in my career and my life. Thank God I took advantage of my seed sowing time when I did. They may never get sowed again.

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10 thoughts on “Should Being Stood Up Be The End… the return of blah blah

  1. Lots of people keep things in their storage rooms and closets that they haven’t used in years. (tennis rackets, exercise equipment, old records, etc.) It’s because subconsciously we feel that as soon as we get rid of those items we’ll need them and regret throwing them out even though they take up a lot of space.

    Relationships and old friendships are like that too. Men (especially) will hang on to and old flame for a long time if possible, as long as it takes minimal work to maintain it. “Ya’ never know when ya’ might be in need of a little lovin” we tell ourselves, so we’ll call it a friendship or whatever it takes to keep a lid on it.

    Then, if the other party allows it, we surface every now and then. You know the old saying, “out of sight and out of mind”… Well we can’t have that, the last thing we want is to be out of your mind. No, we want to enter and exit your life at our convenience.

    Blah blah said a mouthful when he said he “didn’t think they were important plans” because in his mind they weren’t. I’m sure he didn’t want to upset you and your daughter, nor do I think it was a malicious act, it’s just that you are not a priority in his life and things will be done on his terms or not at all. You’ve already forgiven this type of behaviour in the past so blah blah would have no reason to expect you won’t again.

    Nikki, you are an intelligent woman, think about it. In spite of what this guy says, do his actions represent a guy who is trying to show you how much he needs you and “D” in his life? He called you SEVEN hours after you first tried to call him and came up with some lame excuse about not feeling well and was probably napping when you were at his house…seriously!! WTF, was he in a coma?

    You and Davis deserve so much more than blah blah, he is not even worthy of your friendship, never mind a relationship…a little respect and consideration is not much to ask for from a friend… Is it?

    With respect as always.

      • Women get as much or as little respect as they demand, lemme give you an example…I once dated a very special and intelligent woman a long time ago in the days before cell phones. She insisted that I call her if I wanted to arrange a date or just chat but would never call me. In her mind if I wanted to see her I should take care of the details. One time after dating for about two months I didn’t call her for a week just to see if she would call me… She didn’t. Finally I called her and asked to see her. She said “sure” but when I pulled into her driveway she walked over to the car, flipped me a quarter and said, “no fuckin’ games” and went back into the house, It was the only time I ever heard her swear and I drove away like a scorned puppy but I learned my lesson and it never happened again…we were back on track the next day, about a month later I called her a few times throughout the day and there was no answer so when I saw her again I gave her back the quarter and said if you won’t answer the phone I won’t be needing this…we often laughed about that in the years that followed. My point is that a relationship needs to be a give/give proposition built on mutual respect and love to last and to clear all the hurdles that will surly be encountered…..

      • this is why i’ve never put up with being stood up before… when there’s a really good reason that makes utter sense ok, i’m not unreasonable.. but being stood up like this i’ve never put up with before… my friends don’t stand me up… so yeah, i demand respect and now it’s like even more i demand this for my daughter too.

  2. I got stood up on Saturday night. I was pissed off and told him so. He asked me out. He confirmed with me twice on the day. I brought a new outfit, had my hair done and cooked us dinner.

    Now he and “his” friends think I overreacted and that no one he knows would have had an issue with it. What the hell is that about! I can sure as hell say 99% of girls I know would feel exactly the same way as I did.

    Now I feel twice as bad, 1 for being stood up and 2 for being made to seem like a crazy bitch.

    • yeah, but you deserve to be a “crazy bitch” when you have been stood up. sounds like dude is a looser and so are his friends. did he even tell you he was cancelling?

      you are better off without someone who obviously has no manner or respect for others. there are plenty more fish in the sea.. this is what i have learned, yet as i get older i am able to spot the spoiled ones earlier and spend less time on them.

      • Thanks, I hate when I question my own actions but I can’t sit and get walked on, oh you stood me up no problem is tomorrow better?? Lol yeah right.

        He never let me know nada. I SMS him jokingly about 840pm, nothing. Rang him 930pm no answer so at 10.15 sent an SMS saying I’m no longer interested. He SMS me at midnight oh oops time got away sorry begrudgingly then was oissed at me for being pissed at him and promptly went to bed.

      • yeah, he’s an immature dolt.
        move on.

        next.

        good for you to respect yourself to know you don’t need this. seriously. not cool at all.

        you don’t do that to friends so you don’t do that to lovers.

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