I have had a dating epiphany. A realization that is equally depressing and frightening. And perhaps one that could be a testament to my dating maturity.
I have come to the realization that all of my life I have attracted men that fall into one of two sub-categories of not right for me. The first are those that say they want girlfriends but really need counselors to take care of them. The second is the married/ already taken type. One is not good for your emotional health and the other is not good for your karmic health. Sadly, all of my past boyfriends have pretty much fallen into the first category which might be why I have decided staying single is much better than being attached when this is what you attract.
A good example of the first group is the soon to be divorcee, so wounded by his ex he couldn’t stop obsessing about her. And he had a right to. She is someone who did do a lot of downright mean things out of selfishness. Not a bad person but perhaps a bit narcissistic and from what I was told (over and over and over again) things got out of balance in their relationship and things went downhill. But try as I might, I couldn’t get this guy to talk about anything but here. Sitting in his car, wearing a sexy, low cut dress, with ample cleavage and awesome boob action, I still couldn’t get him to say anything but what his ex had done wrong to him. At one point in our brief dating he actually told me he couldn’t see himself in another relationship yet he was pursuing me. Yeah, wtf?
Over the past few years, since I’ve toyed with online dating on and off, there has been a steady flow of the second group. An abundance of married men who pursue me looking for a little something on the side, the odd one mentioning it might lead to something more and some offering to give me money so they can take care of me. Remarkably, in four years of online dating, I have only once had one of them say it was because he wasn’t getting enough at home. The majority tell me they are happily married but need more. That insatiable sex drive, ya know? *eyes roll* Mostly, these men do not provide a picture, they are merely a talking head of words. A grey blob like head with no identity and a shared common goal. They are like the Borg from Star Trek. The Borg of married men wanting to cheat.
Not my cup of tea. Not at all.
So I have come to the conclusion that I seem to attract two type of men that really don’t do anything for me. They don’t inspire good. They don’t give me what they want to take. And they definitely aren’t going to be there to help me up when I am down or listen the way I am expected to listen to them. And now that I am a mother, I refuse to dates these types (not that I ever dated married men but I did collect a number of lost men, helping them find their way so they could be happy again then leave me drained.) I refuse to date these types because I don’t want my daughter to see me with these types, or in these bad relationships, or have a inclination to have bad relationships because that’s what she has grown up with. Which I guess in the long run is the mature, responsible choice.
Damn. Being mature can be very lonely.