The Men I Attract… could be the reason why I am single

will i ever find the one???

will i ever find the one???

I have had a dating epiphany. A realization that is equally depressing and frightening. And perhaps one that could be a testament to my dating maturity.

I have come to the realization that all of my life I have attracted men that fall into one of two sub-categories of not right for me.  The first are those that say they want girlfriends but really need counselors to take care of them. Continue reading

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Anxiety … and the need to breath

Somedays, I can’t breath. 

This is one of them. 

My heart is racing, my breaths are short and I keep catching myself holding my breath as my thoughts swirl at a million miles a minute. Racing through all the things I have to do, how little time i have to do them, the things I haven’t done yet, the failures I have piling up, the perceived failures I have piling up.. 

The voice of judgement is strong today, tugging at my soul while my positive side tries to stay in the forefront. And my breath continues to be laboured, no matter how many times I try to keep it steady and strong. 

It is just one of those days. One of those days I wish I did keep my perscription for anxiety meds. One of those days I will struggle to focus on the work in front of me as I make lists of all the things that need to get done. One of those days I will dream of all the “what if” scenarios in my life. 

I know this is no good as much as I know if I could steal away to meditate and do some yogs for an hour I could get a grip on this. 

But I can’t, so I will exist in this jumped up mode of anxious energy for today, hoping that I don’t crack and let others see the jittery nerves. And I will force my breath to continue… with hopes eventually it will calm the nerves that are threatening to send me into hiding at my home. 

 

Thought of the Day … words to live by

It is the possibility of having a dream come true that makes life interesting.

~Paulo Coehlo

 

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These things hang at my desk. Continue reading

Chasing Money… a neverending race but one to be grateful for

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Yesterday I…

Got up at 5.

Walked our foster dog.

Got kids ready for school.

Worked the required 8 hours. Continue reading

Father’s Day 2014 – realizing how mature my 5-year old is

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Last year, I made a big deal out of making my baby girl say “Happy Father’s Day” to me. Actually, each year I have done it since I am single mom with no contact or support from baby daddy and no consistent male figures in Princess D’s life, and I work hard to try to take care of the “Dad” chores and activities. If that even makes sense. Continue reading

Sunday Morning Silence

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I can’t remember the last time I sat and sipped my coffee on a Sunday morning in silence. This  morning I am doing just that. Right now there’s no music blaring in another room, no 5-year old singing or yelling at me to do something for her. Nothing. Not even a cat trying to jump on my lap because I have banished them all outside. There is nothing but the calm of a Sunday morning silence. And I am ecstatic… and feeling slightly shell shocked. Continue reading