Today I Forgive.

have a little heart. forgive.

have a little heart. forgive.

Forgiveness is something we often give willingly to the people in our life, but not to ourselves. I am bad for that. I will harbour and dwell on things I did as much as things I can’t control and let them eat away at my soul. It drains your energy, your trust and your ability to love freely. It effects your overall happiness and I have decided I deserve to be happy.

So today I will forgive myself. 
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Getting Back to Healthy… a vow to beat depression

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In December of 2013 I gave up.

I gave up on anything that I had been dreaming of. Things important to me and my personal development. I did not in any way give up on my Mom Duties. No, I gave up on me and put all the effort into my Mom Duties as a way of coping with the fact that daily life was nothing like I had anticipated it would be. Continue reading

Anxiety … and the need to breath

Somedays, I can’t breath. 

This is one of them. 

My heart is racing, my breaths are short and I keep catching myself holding my breath as my thoughts swirl at a million miles a minute. Racing through all the things I have to do, how little time i have to do them, the things I haven’t done yet, the failures I have piling up, the perceived failures I have piling up.. 

The voice of judgement is strong today, tugging at my soul while my positive side tries to stay in the forefront. And my breath continues to be laboured, no matter how many times I try to keep it steady and strong. 

It is just one of those days. One of those days I wish I did keep my perscription for anxiety meds. One of those days I will struggle to focus on the work in front of me as I make lists of all the things that need to get done. One of those days I will dream of all the “what if” scenarios in my life. 

I know this is no good as much as I know if I could steal away to meditate and do some yogs for an hour I could get a grip on this. 

But I can’t, so I will exist in this jumped up mode of anxious energy for today, hoping that I don’t crack and let others see the jittery nerves. And I will force my breath to continue… with hopes eventually it will calm the nerves that are threatening to send me into hiding at my home. 

 

The Secret to My Positive Nature … a healthy mama’s approact

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give me a yell for Positive Thinking!

I belong to the positivity team. I’m one of those annoying people who always find the upside to every possibly situation. Yes, although I might falter with my own positive belief system from time to time, I never falter at finding the positive side to your situation. Perhaps you aren’t open to hearing it, most times I won’t tell you if that’s the case, otherwise I will tell you and give you encouragement along the way. Continue reading

The Return of the Madam… madness subdued, reality resurfaces

my parents, 1995, when both were alive and well.

Out of the murky depths of anxiety and depression, the Madam raised her weary head. First one finger poked through the pools of worry, rippling through sadness as she finally touched bottom with the slightest of tippy toes. Continue reading