Somedays, I can’t breath.
This is one of them.
My heart is racing, my breaths are short and I keep catching myself holding my breath as my thoughts swirl at a million miles a minute. Racing through all the things I have to do, how little time i have to do them, the things I haven’t done yet, the failures I have piling up, the perceived failures I have piling up..
The voice of judgement is strong today, tugging at my soul while my positive side tries to stay in the forefront. And my breath continues to be laboured, no matter how many times I try to keep it steady and strong.
It is just one of those days. One of those days I wish I did keep my perscription for anxiety meds. One of those days I will struggle to focus on the work in front of me as I make lists of all the things that need to get done. One of those days I will dream of all the “what if” scenarios in my life.
I know this is no good as much as I know if I could steal away to meditate and do some yogs for an hour I could get a grip on this.
But I can’t, so I will exist in this jumped up mode of anxious energy for today, hoping that I don’t crack and let others see the jittery nerves. And I will force my breath to continue… with hopes eventually it will calm the nerves that are threatening to send me into hiding at my home.