Anxiety … and the need to breath

Somedays, I can’t breath. 

This is one of them. 

My heart is racing, my breaths are short and I keep catching myself holding my breath as my thoughts swirl at a million miles a minute. Racing through all the things I have to do, how little time i have to do them, the things I haven’t done yet, the failures I have piling up, the perceived failures I have piling up.. 

The voice of judgement is strong today, tugging at my soul while my positive side tries to stay in the forefront. And my breath continues to be laboured, no matter how many times I try to keep it steady and strong. 

It is just one of those days. One of those days I wish I did keep my perscription for anxiety meds. One of those days I will struggle to focus on the work in front of me as I make lists of all the things that need to get done. One of those days I will dream of all the “what if” scenarios in my life. 

I know this is no good as much as I know if I could steal away to meditate and do some yogs for an hour I could get a grip on this. 

But I can’t, so I will exist in this jumped up mode of anxious energy for today, hoping that I don’t crack and let others see the jittery nerves. And I will force my breath to continue… with hopes eventually it will calm the nerves that are threatening to send me into hiding at my home. 

 

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Thought of the Day … words to live by

It is the possibility of having a dream come true that makes life interesting.

~Paulo Coehlo

 

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These things hang at my desk. Continue reading

Homemade Fly & Mosquito Repellent – will it work?

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don’t let the bugs keep you from enjoying the great outdoors

The critters are bad in Cape Breton this year. Partly because we’ve had a very, very wet spring – which means the black flies are hatching in small batches, prolonging their human biting season. And this, according to the expert on CBC radio, means we will also have a lot more mosquitos as well. And thanks to a drastic decrease in the bat population for the area these blood suckers have more chances to survive longer. Which means more bites and bother for us humans who like to enjoy the outdoors. Continue reading

Father’s Day 2014 – realizing how mature my 5-year old is

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Last year, I made a big deal out of making my baby girl say “Happy Father’s Day” to me. Actually, each year I have done it since I am single mom with no contact or support from baby daddy and no consistent male figures in Princess D’s life, and I work hard to try to take care of the “Dad” chores and activities. If that even makes sense. Continue reading

Sunday Morning Silence

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I can’t remember the last time I sat and sipped my coffee on a Sunday morning in silence. This  morning I am doing just that. Right now there’s no music blaring in another room, no 5-year old singing or yelling at me to do something for her. Nothing. Not even a cat trying to jump on my lap because I have banished them all outside. There is nothing but the calm of a Sunday morning silence. And I am ecstatic… and feeling slightly shell shocked. Continue reading

Same same? or Different.

Will you be the same as the rest? 

Use me to get over your past

Then bail when mine threatens to bring tears. 

Leave me alone when times get tough. 

Or turn a blind eye when the help you’ve received

Is the help I need. 

Will you be the same as the rest? 

Or will you be the one that rises above? 

That breaks down the walls

So two broken hearts become healed.